Things I Have Thought

~We are all connected in that we are all on different paths. I think that's extraordinary!

~Tonight I realized how full of abundance my life really is. I am surrounded by people who love me and support me, by people who bake me cupcakes and offer their home to me. I have friends to laugh with and family who help me out in times of need. I have a boyfriend who brings me presents because he loves me and thinks about me when we're apart. All of this is worth so much more than lots of money or a job. If I had those things and none of the people in my life, I feel I would be quite miserable.

~Photo from here

Happy birthday, Ezra.

Life Magic

"Whatever you focus on will become your reality."
~Laura Bushnell

I'm reading a book by Laura Bushnell called Life Magic, and through it I'm learning a lot about manifestation and focusing my thoughts and changing my attitude. It seems to be working. Yesterday was a testament to the magic life provides if you focus your words and thoughts on positive things and things you want.

Small "coincidences" I noticed yesterday and today:

1) I was in the car listening to the radio and really wanted to hear a certain song that's not played often. I just kept saying in my mind that I wanted that song to be the next song played, and guess what? It was the next song played!

2) My boyfriend and I were having a discussion about getting things organized and how he wanted to create a space specifically for his and his roommate's motorcycle gear, so that it wouldn't be strewn across the floor. We left the apartment for a little while and when we came back his roommate had put hooks in the wall for their jackets and helmets.

3) Another radio incident. There was a second song I wanted to be played and just for extra oomph I decided it should be played on a radio station I hardly listen to. That way I knew I wasn't aware of their rotations. In fact, I wasn't even sure if the band was in their rotation. I turned to that station and guess what? THAT SONG WAS PLAYING!

4) Today, while looking for jobs online, I wished that I could work in the library. No library positions have been open since I started job hunting in May. I decided it was worth a glance today and what do you know? A library position had been posted and today was the last day to apply.

Positive vibrations? Manifestation? Coincidence? A change in attitude and outlook? It doesn't matter. It makes me smile. :)

More life magic to come...

Photo credit: Missleto

A little bit of stream of conciousness

This morning I'm waking up to rain and cloudy skies, but I'm not allowing myself to harbor negative thoughts. Not about the weather, not about jobs, not about love, not about anything. Because I've come to realize that what we focus on is what manifests. If I am constantly thinking about what negative things could happen, chances are I'm going to be pretty miserable, even if things aren't that bad. It's because I'm looking for the negative. I'm anticipating all the bad that could happen and forgetting about the good. No wonder it seems like nothing ever unfolds for me. When I was younger I felt like good things just fell in my lap. Everything went my way. My dreams were so easy to reach. Probably because I never doubted myself. I never doubted that good things could actually happen to me. I just assumed they would. I had more faith and trust in myself and the world around me. I don't know when things changed. Maybe it was when I first became depressed and I used the "only anticipate bad things and you won't be disappointed when the good things don't happen" coping mechanism. That old way of thinking still sneaks up on me. Sometimes I don't even realize it until I'm crying about situations that haven't even happened! That's no way to live. So today I vow to unleash negative thinking. I choose to meditate on good things. I choose to imagine all the wonderful things that could happen. It's going to be a really hard thing for me to do, but I'm tired of only perceiving misery. I don't want to disconnect or create drama or feel like a little black cloud. Even if it is cloudy today. I don't have to be.

"Wake at dawn with a winged heart
and give thanks for another day of loving."

~ Kahlil Gibran

"And above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places. Those who don't believe in magic will never find it."
~Roald Dahl

Personal Update

I realize I have not written much personal stuff lately. All of those thoughts are written in my journal. I've written more since May than I did all last year! It's amazing what a shift in life will do to a person. I'm glad the thoughts have been recorded somewhere because it's been a roller coaster ride. I thought it'd be nice to capture some of what I've been up to on Ophelia Blooming. Just in case anyone is curious :)

At the end of May I moved to San Antonio to live with a family friend and look for jobs. San Angelo, my home town, is a small town with little job opportunities, so I jumped at the chance to move to a bigger city where I felt like luck might be on my side.

Wrong!

It's almost September and I still don't have a steady job. I have one temp job I work 2 or 3 times a month and just started another temp assignment yesterday. I'm thankful for these opportunities because they provide a little extra cash, but I have definitely seen my bank account dwindle. It's the scariest thing in the world. I've been on countless interviews (more than 10), but with every promising interview comes another door in the face. At one point, I even had a chance at a dream job - A&E feature writer for the Temple Daily Telegram. I went to the interview and the editor seemed impressed with my skills. She showed me around the newsroom, introduced me to everyone, and it seemed like I had the job in the bag. Just one problem. When the salary issue came up they were not willing to pay me enough to live on my own. I explained I was single and had to support myself and relocate, but it didn't matter. I drove back to San Antonio sad, but also a little relieved. Temple, TX is not the most impressive place to live.

A gazillion interviews later, I'm really starting to feel the frustration of the whole situation. Up until now I've remained relatively calm and optimistic, but last week I cried and cried and cried and felt like I had reached the point of insanity. On Friday I planned to stay in bed, but luckily, my dear friend in Austin invited me to stay the weekend with her and I had a blast. It was a breath of fresh air.

I feel better this week. I went on an interview Monday, worked my temp assignment yesterday, go on a third round interview tomorrow, and also get to work my temp assignment again the rest of the week. It gives me some sense of security, but I know that I'm not guaranteed anything. It's especially heart breaking when you go on three rounds of interviews, do everything perfectly, and still get the door shut in your face.

Aside from job hunting, I have been living my life as normal - but without the luxuries I could afford when I had a job. These include things like: salon visits, shopping sprees, eating out, ballet classes (keep fit at home with yoga and NYCB workout videos), books (learned to use the library), etc. What I've learned from this is that possessions don't own my joy. Yes, I'd L-O-V-E to get my hair done, but I can be content and happy with how it is, knowing that someday I'll be able to afford it again.

What I'm mucho thankful for: family, friends, support, love, and the simple things in life.