bindweed

love,

(addiction)

like a morning glory

(bindweed)

blooms white with sun

in the soft heart,

telling you it’s okay,

(because it’s love)

come closer,

and strangles out

the good that had grown there

I am

I am shades of violet

white moth twirling through sunlit dust

wings flittering through window galaxies

I am the number 15, 17, 30

a palm tree rooted in memories

sunblock scented and ocean dreaming

I am a tinkling wind chime 

in a desert of bones

a hummingbird fat on sugar water

The Thing About Adventure

More hammock days to come.

The thing about adventure is that it brings up all kinds of emotions: fear, excitement, sadness. 

Fear of the unknown, excitement for what's to come, sadness for what's left behind. 

It's been almost two years since I wrote this post about my call to adventure. And it's been six years since I first wrote down my big, impossible dream. 

Yes, six years ago I wrote in my journal that my dream was to move to an island, not have to have a day job, write all day long, and be with a man who truly loved me. 

At the time, I didn't think any of that was possible. Live by the ocean? Maybe. Writing as my profession? Hardly. Not have a day job? Impossible. But all three at once, plus true love? More than impossible.

I hardly knew I was on the road to creating that dream the day I wrote it down. 

In six days I fly across the world to live on an island in a house by the sea, to reunite with a man who loves me to pieces, and to write as much as I want because it's my profession. 

Dreams coming true. Adventure unfolding. It's strange what happens when impossible dreams stare you right in the face. You kind of feel like running away because of the bigness of it all. 

The other thing is that, in order to move towards a dream, one must move away from something else. 

I'm sad to be moving away from family and leaving my dog behind, but I'm grateful to have the internet to be able to keep up with them and talk over Skype. 

The thing I always tell myself when I'm feeling a bit nervous is that the further I get out of my comfort zone, the bigger it gets. My comfort zone is about to get a whole lot bigger! And there will be new experiences, blog posts with dreamy pictures, and plenty of time to write that novel. The novel written by the sea, just like I always dreamed. 

So stay tuned...

And speaking of impossible dreams, do you have one? Have you written it down? Share it here and let the magic unfold.

White Moth: Quotes from Violet & Claire

via weheartit

"She a purple-black African-violet-dark butterfly and I a white moth."

Marionette Moths by yumedust

"I can feel the faeries beckoning me into the peaceful poppyfields of sleep where boys never betray you or shoot at you and best friends tuck you in the folds of their wings until there is no difference between the two of you, and there is no sorrow and there is no pain."

Night Training by krisskornel

"...I'm a descendant of an ancient race who knew the secrets of nature and radiated light and were then forced underground and corrupted in the folklore into weak little flitty fantasy things."

via weheartit

"I'd rather chew morsels and suck flowers and wear feathers."

~Quotes from Violet & Claire by Francesca Lia Block

Kai

have you ever looked at a picture of someone

you knew you could never have

of someone you’ve spoken to once or twice

of someone who etched his memory inside you

of someone whose fingers maybe grazed your palm

that’s kai

he’s always knocking

but when you open the door

only the feathers of his wings

land in your hands

grab him when you can

November Diary

November 13, 2012

I feel like crying all the time. Everything is alive inside of me, and yet, everything on the outside is falling away like petals on a dying rose. If God is pruning, I hate the way it feels.

I wrote on Facebook that I have a purpose larger than life and that scares me. Why would I claim such a thing? My own life scares me because I think there are big things on the way. Hard things, challenges, breakdowns, breakthroughs, and changing the world. I'm scared to death.

My life isn't going to be like anything I ever imagined. I see myself as a young girl, head full of dreams, always saying, "I'm going to be a writer and I'll take care of you. I'll remember you." I want to hold her hand. And I see my teenage self, the dark clouds just beginning to form and the tears building up inside. I want to cry with her, but let her know everything's going to be okay. She is loved. So loved.

And now I cry when I hear God saying, "I love you, Cassandra, and I'm so proud of you." And I know he's at work in my life and there are all these invisible things coming together. He's weaving words that I'll have to write. I've been  needing to write these hard, vulnerable truths lately, how we're all missing the point, how we can't have everything, how we must give up everything to be something. There's nothing fancy free about the world and people are sleeping, but think they're awake.

I need to just cry and let the petals fall. I need to cry for everyone who is hurting and lost, sad and hungry.

When I look at the sky I see God. The whole universe exploding around me. It's all dying and being born constantly. 

It doesn't matter who we are in the darkness of space - God cradles us all. In the end, we're all just star stuff with souls.

(Almost) Spring Afternoon

It's a delicious day.

Weather like a warm, buttery biscuit.

Sky an ombre blue.

Birds chattering about the coming of spring.

Wind to balance the early heat.

I like to take breaks from writing to stand outside, get some vitamin D, stretch my limbs and spine. If I sit down, the dogs (all three) get on either side of me and try to crawl into my lap.

How is your day?