Personal Update

I realize I have not written much personal stuff lately. All of those thoughts are written in my journal. I've written more since May than I did all last year! It's amazing what a shift in life will do to a person. I'm glad the thoughts have been recorded somewhere because it's been a roller coaster ride. I thought it'd be nice to capture some of what I've been up to on Ophelia Blooming. Just in case anyone is curious :)

At the end of May I moved to San Antonio to live with a family friend and look for jobs. San Angelo, my home town, is a small town with little job opportunities, so I jumped at the chance to move to a bigger city where I felt like luck might be on my side.

Wrong!

It's almost September and I still don't have a steady job. I have one temp job I work 2 or 3 times a month and just started another temp assignment yesterday. I'm thankful for these opportunities because they provide a little extra cash, but I have definitely seen my bank account dwindle. It's the scariest thing in the world. I've been on countless interviews (more than 10), but with every promising interview comes another door in the face. At one point, I even had a chance at a dream job - A&E feature writer for the Temple Daily Telegram. I went to the interview and the editor seemed impressed with my skills. She showed me around the newsroom, introduced me to everyone, and it seemed like I had the job in the bag. Just one problem. When the salary issue came up they were not willing to pay me enough to live on my own. I explained I was single and had to support myself and relocate, but it didn't matter. I drove back to San Antonio sad, but also a little relieved. Temple, TX is not the most impressive place to live.

A gazillion interviews later, I'm really starting to feel the frustration of the whole situation. Up until now I've remained relatively calm and optimistic, but last week I cried and cried and cried and felt like I had reached the point of insanity. On Friday I planned to stay in bed, but luckily, my dear friend in Austin invited me to stay the weekend with her and I had a blast. It was a breath of fresh air.

I feel better this week. I went on an interview Monday, worked my temp assignment yesterday, go on a third round interview tomorrow, and also get to work my temp assignment again the rest of the week. It gives me some sense of security, but I know that I'm not guaranteed anything. It's especially heart breaking when you go on three rounds of interviews, do everything perfectly, and still get the door shut in your face.

Aside from job hunting, I have been living my life as normal - but without the luxuries I could afford when I had a job. These include things like: salon visits, shopping sprees, eating out, ballet classes (keep fit at home with yoga and NYCB workout videos), books (learned to use the library), etc. What I've learned from this is that possessions don't own my joy. Yes, I'd L-O-V-E to get my hair done, but I can be content and happy with how it is, knowing that someday I'll be able to afford it again.

What I'm mucho thankful for: family, friends, support, love, and the simple things in life.

My quarter-life crisis

You never know what's going on behind the curtain. From the audience it seems like everyone has it going on. Everyone is making more money than you, creating more, has more friends, moving up in the world, happier, and just generally making a real contribution. But honestly, we're all just fumbling around in the dark wondering how everyone else is making it.

No one talks about this quarter-life crisis thing. No one cares about the twenty something population. I feel like being a twenty something is like walking a tight rope from childhood to adulthood, and you never know when you're going to fall flat on your stomach and have the wind knocked out of you.

I'm 26, but just now beginning to realize that this is what I'm going through. Growing through. I thought it was just me being a huge failure, but apparently it's quite common. That's good to know. But when does it end? When do I feel like I've finally "made it"?

The job search is awful. I'm trying to decide whether I need to stay in my hometown and continue to look for a so-so job in which to pay bills with and save money or if I should move on to the big city and continue my search there. I could get to the city and have the same bout of bad luck, but I don't see that I have anything to lose. I like having the comfort of my friends and family though. This is what it all comes down to. Getting out of my comfort zone. Taking a bit of a risk. Either way, I will probably end up losing money.

Decisions, decisions.